I have an addictive personality. I’ve been this way my whole life. But what has to be the weirdest addiction (besides nutritional yeast as a delicious popcorn topping) is the addiction that manifested itself with my first handheld TDS meter. (Total Dissolved Solids for those who aren’t in the know.)
When I first laid hands on this marvel of engineering and technology you could sooner part Donald Trump and his wig before getting me to relinquish control of this magical device. You see, it was not only RO water I was testing. I tested everything liquid… and I do mean everything. I quickly realized that anything other than water was going to be off the charts so I honed my testing to only H20. It started innocently enough… my tap water VS RO only, RO vs RODI, a bottle of Dasani vs a bottle of Avion. Yet it soon progressed to where I was bringing it with me at all times. Melting snow, check. Public school water fountains, check. Gas station restrooms…. sadly, check (the worst part is I didn’t have to go and went in while I was filling my tank solely to test the water out of the faucet). It went on like this for awhile, embarrassment and I do not cross paths often, mostly on account of my complete disregard of self-awareness. Unfortunately, my wife does not share my immunity for embarrassment so when I started taking my meter out to restaurants and dinner parties she brought out the female veto hammer that all women keep somewhere. I won’t go into the specifics of the incidents but suffice to say I am no longer addicted to checking the TDS readings of various water sources around the NYC area. I am now limited to testing my RO/DI unit weekly and then she takes my precious meter and hides it from me until the next week. Let this be a cautionary tale to crazy reefers everywhere. Keep your addictions hidden from people even if YOU are not embarrassed by them… if not you may lose the privilege altogether…. and wouldn’t that be a shame, because I still wake up in cold sweats wondering what the Applebees table water would read on my TDS meter.