Holy Mackerel - 'Finding Nemo' Brings Out The Flounder In Kids
Children and their parents all across America are having to deal with the traumatic consequences of owning a human brain. After seeing the new Disney-Pixar film 'Finding Nemo', many viewers simply cannot control their urges to do things that non-viewers could never imagine.
Children everywhere are catching fish from their aquariums and "setting them free" by flushing them down the toilet. Parents are making desperate calls to plumbers and Roto-Rooter in hopes that someone can save their fish from a death-by-sewage. Amanda Plantuklin, an operator for AAA Plumbing Services in Rochester NY explained, "I think it's a genetic thing. We get calls from frantic parents thinking that our guys can save their fish hours after the kid has flushed it. I don't know who lacks more sense, the parents or the children."
Psychologists agree that simply watching a film can cause people to act in unexpected and sometimes tragic ways. Dr. Binwa Teshanlahan of the Mayo Clinic states, "We thought that things were bad after the 'Spiderman' movie, but this 'Finding Nemo' is really causing lots of damage. It's monkey-see-monkey-do, and as Charles Darwin explained, we are all monkeys after all."
In Cleveland, four children all under age 10 are being treated for fractured legs and broken ankles. "They leaped from windows trying to save their fish. Each of them had their pet fish in their mouths, acting out the part where the pelican attempts to set 'Nemo' free." said Rachael Datlenti, spokesperson for Community Hospital in Mesa, Arizona. Thousands of marine aquarium hobbyists on the Internet forum Reef Central have voiced their outrage. Steve Rankin, a reef aquarium keeper in Miami explained, "Saliva is extremely acidic. Marine fish live in alkaline water and will die a horrible death in a child's mouth! Disney-Pixar has the blood of these fish on their hands."
A mother in Nashville, Tennessee had a different horror story. "My 5 year old daughter Heather saw 'Finding Nemo' and now she wants to be a dentist. We can't possibly afford dental school. I'd like to send the tuition bill to Walt Disney, or Mr. Pixar. Thanks a lot."
Children need close supervision from responsible parents for long periods of time after watching 'Finding Nemo'. Parents sometimes learn the hard way. Lauren Befler of San Francisco tells the sad story, "I had left him alone for only 15 minutes or so. Jeffrey, my 8 year old son, was somehow able to catch my husband's Harlequin Tusk fish from his 300 gallon saltwater aquarium and flushed it right down the toilet." In this case, freeing 'Nemo' cost the father about $275.00 "Nick said it was a rare fish from Angola, or someplace. Anyway, we won't be taking Jeffrey to any movies for a long time."
Many people are left to wonder; what will children who have seen 'Finding Nemo' do next?
Children and their parents all across America are having to deal with the traumatic consequences of owning a human brain. After seeing the new Disney-Pixar film 'Finding Nemo', many viewers simply cannot control their urges to do things that non-viewers could never imagine.
Children everywhere are catching fish from their aquariums and "setting them free" by flushing them down the toilet. Parents are making desperate calls to plumbers and Roto-Rooter in hopes that someone can save their fish from a death-by-sewage. Amanda Plantuklin, an operator for AAA Plumbing Services in Rochester NY explained, "I think it's a genetic thing. We get calls from frantic parents thinking that our guys can save their fish hours after the kid has flushed it. I don't know who lacks more sense, the parents or the children."
Psychologists agree that simply watching a film can cause people to act in unexpected and sometimes tragic ways. Dr. Binwa Teshanlahan of the Mayo Clinic states, "We thought that things were bad after the 'Spiderman' movie, but this 'Finding Nemo' is really causing lots of damage. It's monkey-see-monkey-do, and as Charles Darwin explained, we are all monkeys after all."
In Cleveland, four children all under age 10 are being treated for fractured legs and broken ankles. "They leaped from windows trying to save their fish. Each of them had their pet fish in their mouths, acting out the part where the pelican attempts to set 'Nemo' free." said Rachael Datlenti, spokesperson for Community Hospital in Mesa, Arizona. Thousands of marine aquarium hobbyists on the Internet forum Reef Central have voiced their outrage. Steve Rankin, a reef aquarium keeper in Miami explained, "Saliva is extremely acidic. Marine fish live in alkaline water and will die a horrible death in a child's mouth! Disney-Pixar has the blood of these fish on their hands."
A mother in Nashville, Tennessee had a different horror story. "My 5 year old daughter Heather saw 'Finding Nemo' and now she wants to be a dentist. We can't possibly afford dental school. I'd like to send the tuition bill to Walt Disney, or Mr. Pixar. Thanks a lot."
Children need close supervision from responsible parents for long periods of time after watching 'Finding Nemo'. Parents sometimes learn the hard way. Lauren Befler of San Francisco tells the sad story, "I had left him alone for only 15 minutes or so. Jeffrey, my 8 year old son, was somehow able to catch my husband's Harlequin Tusk fish from his 300 gallon saltwater aquarium and flushed it right down the toilet." In this case, freeing 'Nemo' cost the father about $275.00 "Nick said it was a rare fish from Angola, or someplace. Anyway, we won't be taking Jeffrey to any movies for a long time."
Many people are left to wonder; what will children who have seen 'Finding Nemo' do next?
(oops did I say that out loud?)
